He was always a proud man...and I believe he started giving up when he was forced to live with a catheter and bag tied around his leg. Friday, July 3, he went to the ER due to no urine coming out. At this point his heart was already 40% dead and his lungs and kidneys were slowly starting to fail. late Saturday night he was intubated. By the time I cam back to Daytona from Jacksonville on Sunday he was completely on live support (including blood pressure tubes). the only thing he didn't have was dialysis (which the doctors said they couldn't do it as it would've killed him). They asked my grandmother to pull the plug so to speak. Specifically to sign papers to stop aggressive treatments. At this point he was in a state worse than death, in my opinion. His whole body was dead...except this mind. He could still open his eyes and listen....but he would never live without machines nor speak. I explained all this to my now frantic grandmother and we decided to let him go. The nurses gave him anti-anxiety meds, sleeping meds, and a pain killer 8 times stronger than morphine. After 30 minutes they began to remove the tubes and turn off the machines. No one else had the courage to stay with him but me. I held his left hand and gently stroked his hair. Told him how much I love him, promised to take care of my grandmother, relayed a message from his daughter, and told him I knew he would always be watching us and not to worry. I told him it was time for him to go, he wasn't alone, and that it was time for him to no longer suffer. He blew his last breath and died peacefully in his sleep. I couldn't have asked for a better death for him. My fear the last couple months would be that he would pass away while home alone, in massive pain, and most likely due to dry drowning for his lungs were inundated with water. Instead he slept and felt no pain. And me and my family will miss him dearly.
This experience has cemented my plans of also becoming a death doula. He was in the ICU and I saw a couple people dying, by themselves, with no friends and family. No one deserves that. Everyone deserves a gentle and loving passing. And even though I know I'll be sad and grieving for at least a year (as it's common. the first year is the hardest with all the birthdays, holidays, daily routines, and 1 year anniversary of the death) I know this will also make me a stronger person. <3
RIP Vovo 02/11/1938(but it states 4/11/1938 on his birth certificate)-07/05/2015. You lived an amazing life and is truly loved and missed. <3