Many times birth (or rather life in general) don't go the way we plan & we're usually told to "suck it up" or "get over it". When you unexpectedly get a cesarean (though you vehemently didn't want one) most seem to think that ALL that matters is a healthy baby. But I'm here to remind you....YOU matter. Your feelings matter. Yes, healthy mom & baby are very important but so is YOUR mental health. It's ok to mourn the changes in your birth plan...your ideal birth. We spend SO long (some longer than others....yes I'm referring to all of you TTCing) picturing & imagining our ideal, perfect birth plan....that when it comes to a point that we may run into an obstacle and change things it's simply DEVASTATING. And yes, I'm speaking from personal experience.
My second child's birth was truly devastating for me. I won't go into details but I was one of those that swore up & down that there was NO way I would EVER have a cesarean section. And then everything happened. After laboring for 3 hours, being fully dilated, & about to push I had to make a decision. What I was NOT prepared for happened. Fast forward to now, I was planning my HBAC. And then a couple weeks ago I was dealt a devastating blow. I was diagnosed with GD & was therefore being risked out of my midwife's care. This meant no more HBAC, it was hospital birth for me now. So I thought to myself...How could this happen to me? This wasn't what I planned! I ate perfectly, exercised throughout, hired a doula...heck I did EVERYTHING right! But the reality is sometimes things happen. Doesn't make it any easier to deal with them or get over things. You still deserve to & NEED to mourn your loss.
So it's been a couple weeks....& I've mostly gotten "over" it. But there are times I still cry & scream. & that's perfectly fine. I'm still mourning my ideal birth. So now I've begun working on my birth plan & trying to take control. In fact, as you'll see in my birth plan below I've made it bright & colorful, simple & easy to read....& as close to my HBAC plans as possible. I've now started researching all possible outcomes & options. But in the end, even after I hold my perfect baby....I know I'll still mourn my ideal home birth once in a while.